Grandpa Happosai
by Jasonred
Summary: Happosai is someone's grandfather. Whose? Read to find out...


Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma or any other characters from the series. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi if I'm not mistaken. nor do I own publishing rights like Viz. This is just my own tribute to the series. A fanfic. Please do not sue me. Flames are welcome though.   
  
Ranma watched in despair as his mother drew the Katana from it's sheath. She was dressed in her ceremonial clothes, and had the two white Sepukku costumes draped over her left arm. Finally, after all this time, he was now about to die...   
  
"Ranma... I did not know about your curse, that you changed into a woman. But this was forgivable."   
  
"I did not know that you enjoyed wearing women's clothes... but that was also forgivable."   
  
"But to knowingly take the form of a girl to win the heart of this boy," and here Nodoka gestured with her katana at the ever hapless Ryouga, "Is unforgivable! I WILL NOT accept having a son who tries to seduce other boys! Genma, Ranma, it is time to fulfil your vow!"   
  
Ranma groaned to himself. Why, oh, WHY, did he have to try that old trick on Ryouga AGAIN! And what bad luck had brought his mother around the corner JUST in time to see him glomp Ryouga in girl form, before being splashed with hot water by Akane? It would take nothing short of a miracle to save him this time...   
  
"YOWSA! Well, Nodoka, come and give your Happy a hug!"   
  
Or a horrible curse. Still, Ranma would protect his mother to his dying breath (which seemed to be not to far in the future...) Springing to his feet, he prepared to send the old letcher into the stratosphere...   
  
And immediately facefaulted when he saw his mother embracing Happosai tightly and bawling into his shoulder.   
  
"Oh, DADDY! I'm about to lose my son and husband! What am I going to do???" bawled Nodoka.   
  
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Well, needless to say, Happosai wasn't too eager to lose his favourite student (and all-round source of entertainment), and expressly FORBID his daughter from calling in the promise Genma made. Besides, he added, if someone had to die, Genma should do it own his own... said comment drawing no protests whatsoever, unless you counted the faint *squeek* of a marker pen on a signboard writing out, "NO!NO!NO! I'll call the RSPCA on you, you panda abusers!"   
  
In the end, the whole affair was settled more-or-less to everyone's satisfaction. Genma and Ranma got to live, as Nodoka was assured that Ranma was merely playing a joke on his "good buddy Ryouga". As a reassurance for her, Ranma was put under the "Anything Goes Manliness Crash Course" by his Grandfather Happosai. Said course consisting of following said lecher around on his panty raids, peeping on girl's baths, and other such activites...   
  
In retrospect, it should have been obvious. What with Nodoka's ties to the Musabetsu Kakoto Ryuu, her being entrusted with more power in the school than Genma and Soun (which is why she had the key to the ancestral grave, AND got to order everyone except Happousai around), and most of all, her "unique" definition of manliness"...   
  
"Ranma, Nodoka said you have to collect at least 5 pairs of panties and fondle 3 girls who I consider cute without getting a nosebleed!"   
  
"Old Lec... err... Grandpa, couldn't you just TELL her that I did that?" (Nodoka ALSO insists that Ranma treats his maternal grandfather with all respect due to his senior position, both as her father and as head of the School)   
  
"So, chickening out boy? Well, guess that's Genma's influence, my grandson and heir is nothing but a coward..."   
  
"You take that back! Saotome Ranma is NOT a coward! Anything Goes GLOMP ATTACK!!!"   
  
"EEEK!!! Oh, Ranma, it you! Ai Ren want to do *bump-bump* with Shampoo?"   
  
*eep* Sploosh! One major nosebleed and dead faint into the spring later, we see Happosai dragging Ranma to the nearest hospital for resustication and a blood tranfusion.   
  
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"So, Auntie Saotome-san, how did Genma ever pass your standards of manliness anyhow?" asked Nabiki.   
  
One whispered answer later, Nabiki turned bright red and exclaimed, "Oh, my!"   
  
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"Come on, Ranma! You don't want to let down your mother, do you?"   
  
"No disrespect, grandpa (yeah, right!), but this is harder than it looks, ok?"   
  
"Ranma, I have no interest in seeing how hard it is right now! Maybe if you show that young lady down there how hard it is, she'll let you glompy her!"   
  
"What're you talking about, hentai-ojiisan???"   
  
One more whispered answer later, Ranma *eeped*, let off a Ryouga blast of blood from his nose, and promptly fainted.   
  
"I've really got my work cut out for me..." muttered Happosai to himself as he shook his head.   
  
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Author's notes: Eh... my first real fanfic, and it turns out to be a semi-spamfic. Ah, well. Gotta start somewhere. Send feedback to jasonred@hotmail.com!


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